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Thursday, September 29, 2005 { 6:31 AM }

i'm so angry. so angry that i cried. i dont understand. what's wrong with me being scared of insects? what's wrong with me being scared of the sight of blood? i dont understand. i mean..each and every one of us have our own phobia. what's wrong with mine? can you stop critising me? grr..just now a stupid cockroach flew into my house, then my maid was like trying to catch it. after she caught it, she showed it to me, i was like," GO AWAY!!" later that idiot flew out of the tissue. my maid sprayed insecticide onto it of course and it really died this time. she wanted to show me. i was scared and shout" dont want." but she insisted i see it, so i screamed," I SAID I DONT WANT TO SEE IT!!!" and she scrammed. but she kept sying what..i very lousy, then np camp that time i will die and stuffs like that. later when i was bathing, she kept talking about me cooking. those what meat and stuffs. walao..i was like damn angry can? cant stand it. and later she kept talking about the fish's stomach. i cried okies? very frustrated recently. later my mom's turn. haiz..call me go help her take thing. i talk liao, but she say that is not what she wanted, so i went back to take it again. in the end still wrong. she came into my room and search. i was angry. haiz..i dont understand. i mean people have their won strengths and things. we see people as individual. so what's wrong with me?? i'm angry. i'm sad. accept me for what i m, not the way you want me to be. even heroes bleed. even heroes have the right to dream. me? i'm only a little girl struggling to find the mean of life, and the identity of myself. who am i? i dont know. future seems so bleak and vague. i dont know how long can i stand this.